Andy's thoughts have turned to his proposed marriage to Madam Queen. Amos, realizing Andy's mental strain, has been very lenient with him on that account. Andy is down in the dumps. He spent the entire day in the taxicab office, and now as the scene opens, we find him sitting on the side of his bed at the rooming house. He has two large pieces of paper on a chair directly in front of him and a pencil in his hand as Amos enters. Here they are: --

Amos---(fading in) Well, hello dere, Andy. Whut yo' doin' home so early  tonight?

Andy---Oh, I don't know, I kind-a left Madam Queen a little early.  Thought I'd  come home an' git some rest -- think oveh  ev'ything.

Amos---Whut is yo' got dere on de paper?

Andy---I'll 'splain it to yo' in a minute--I ain't finished wid it yet.  Dey is  sta-stusticks.

Amos---Dey is whut?

Andy---Oh--figgehs an' things like dat. Sta-stusticks.

Amos---Well son, you is on de road to gittin' married.

Andy---I might be on de road, but I ain't walkin' down de road myself - - somebody's pushin' me down dere.

Amos---Anything wrong?

Andy---No, it just look like I git in deepeh all de time, though. I  almost made up my mind to ast Madam Queen to put off de weddin'.

Amos---Yo' did, huh?

Andy---Yeh, I had it all 'ranged to ast her to put it off 'cause I was  goin' tell her dat my mama ast me never to git married on a odd  yeah like 31, but if I'd ast her dat now, we'd git married  DEcembeh de 31st -- so dat wouldn't he'p none.

Amos---Is yo' told her dat you is all ready to git married?

Andy---I ain't told her nuthin'. All I do is go places wid her an' sign  things.

Amos---Whut is yo' done signed now?

Andy---Well -- last night she tol' me dat she wanted me to go out wid  her tonight an' look at a flat, so I went oveh an' we picked one  out. I give de man 2 dollahs an' signed some kind o' papeh. I  don't know whut 'twas. Signed up fo' a yeah.

Amos---Well, whut is yo' doin' rentin' a flat if you don't know if you  goin' git  married or not?

Andy---Well, whut is yo' goin' do when 2 peoples is workin' on yo'? I  put my hands in my pocket, knowin' dat if I keep in dere, I  would sign nuthin' wid 'em.

Amos---Well, how'd yo' happen to sign it?

Andy---Dat's whut I'se tellin' yo'. Madam Queen was workin' on me, an'  so was de salesman. I went to shake hands wid de man, an' he had  a fountain pen in his hand---fust thing I know I had it in MY  hand ---- Madam Queen had hold of my wrist, put it down on de  papeh, an' de fust thing I know I was writin' my name.

Amos---'Fore yo' knowed it, huh?

Andy---I don't think that it means nuthin' though 'cause he said to me  "How 'bout signin' on de dotted line"---Madam Queen said  "Alright" but when I signed de line wasn't dotted, it was a  straight line.

Amos---Straight line?

Andy---Yeh, he calls me de tenant---an' I KNOW I ain't dat. But I give  him 2 dollahs to git out of it. I'll straighten DAT out.

Amos---You said it----you is gittin' in deeper all de time.

Andy---An' de funny part of it is, I don't wanna do none of dis stuff.  I just find myself goin' an' signin'. Monday we pick out wall  papeh. I'll have to make a reposit on dat.

Amos---If you could git all de money dat you don't put up fo' reposits,  you could git along fo' about a month on dat money.

Andy---Don't I know it? I ought to git me a reposit collector.

Amos---Whut kind o' wall papeh yo' gonna pick out?

Andy---I ain't goin' pick out none. SHE do de pickin'. All I do is  argue wid de man--try to tell him I don't want it----see how  little I kin put up fo' a reposit, 'cause I figgeh I lose it  anyway.

Amos---You cert'ny handlin' dis good.

Andy---Whut yo' mean?

Amos---Well, you just go places, an' sign things, an' you don't know  whether yo' want 'em or not?

Andy---SHE makes up my mind in HER head. I figgeh dat if I kin git out  o' dis mess by signin' a few papehs heah an' givin' a few  dollahs dere, I is betteh off dan I IS been.

Amos---Well, whut is you goin' do on yo' weddin' day?

Andy---I don't know---I was just thinkin'----How far is Mexico----dey  can't git yo' dere, kin dey?

Amos---Oh, dey kin git yo' anywhere. She'll git yo'.

Andy---I know SHE would---I ain't ast yo' dat---I ast if de POlice kin  git yo'.

Amos---Well, I don't know.

Andy---I was talkin' to a friend of mine tonight 'bout it.

Amos---Who?

Andy---De barbeh---he been married 5 times. I figgeh if he kin git out  of 5 of 'em, he ought to be able to he'p me git out o' one.

Amos---Whut'd he tell yo'?

Andy---He told me if I want to run away to run up to Canada. Dey'd have  to git expedition people to git me back. I told him dat I didn't  wanna run far---I just wanted to git out de way fo' a few days.  But I don't know.

Amos---You wanna git out of it alright.

Andy---WANNA git out of it? Whut you think I arguin' fo' an' givin'  ev'ybody 2 dollahs?

Amos---Look like to me you just doin' de wrong thing.

Andy---Well, I'll show yo' whut I been figgerin' heah today. I got two sheets o' papeh heah.

Amos---Whut is dey?

Andy---Well, one of 'em is new rules dat I is goin' make afteh de fust  o' de yeah. De otheh one is rescuses I kin tell Madam Queen to  git out o' dis weddin'.

Amos---Read me some o' dem rescuses.

Andy---Well, de fust one dat popped in my head don't mean nuthin' but I  put it down. No. 1--- "I don't feel like gittin' married."

Amos---Yeh, dat's great. Dat ought to be enough right dere. You must-a  strained yo'self thinkin' o' dat one, didn't yo'?

Andy---Don't git sarcastic now, or I won't read yo' nuthin'.

Amos---Go on, read 'em to me. If dey ain't no better dan dat one though  you might as well tear up de list.

Andy---No. 2-----"De repression is on, an' it's gonna git bettah 'round  March."

Amos---Whut else yo' got?

Andy---Den I got dis one down heah dat I told yo', "Mama told me neveh  to git married on a odd yeah."

Amos---She don't care nuthin' 'bout whut yo' mama told yo'.

Andy---Den I got anotheh one down heah. "Would we be happy?" Dat's  goin' make her mad, an' I can't show her dat one. Den de next  one is "Is it right fo' a man to marry a girl 10 yeahs oldeh den  he is?"

Amos---Is she dat much olden dan you is?

Andy---She is 12 yeahs oldeh dan I is, I think. But I'se lettin' her  off easy wid 10, an' even dat's goin' make her mad.

Amos---How you know she's dat old?

Andy---Well----I remembeh her tellin' me once sumpin' 'bout de world's  fair in Chicago, an' she once kind-a slipped an' said sumpin'  'bout she had her pitcheh took dere, an' den she say she had her  pitcheh took when she was 10 yeahs old, an' I saw de pitcheh an'  on de back of down in de corneh, I saw "World's Fair Chicago,  1892," an' I got hold of a bookkeepeh, an' he figgehed it out  fo' me----she's 'bout 48 yeahs old.

Amos---Boy, I didn't know she was dat old.

Andy---She got so much o' dat beauty cream oveh dere, she rub dat on  her face all de time, keep her lookin' good.

Amos---Well, whut else you got on de list?

Andy---Dat's all de rescuses-----an' heah's some new rules fo' 1931.  Yo' know I goin' turn oveh a new leaf.

Amos---One leaf ain't goin do YOU no good.

Andy---Whut yo' mean?

Amos---You gotta start right from de beginnin' again, an' git anotheh  book. You is in de wrong book, much less de page.

Andy---De fust thing on de new yeah's things is "Don't git married."  No. 2 "Don't write no love lettehs to nobody." No. 3---"Don't  promise no girl NUTHIN'"

Amos---You just got a lot o' crazy things down dere dat you done  already done.

Andy---Yeh, dese two lists ain't no good, is dey?

Amos---No, I tell yo' de truth Andy, yo' ain't goin' git nowhere  figgerin' on papeh. You gotta go right up to Madam Queen an'  tell her whut you goin' do.

Andy---Whut's today---Sat'day, ain't it?

Amos---Yeh, today is Sat'day, and January de first is next Thursday.

Andy---Dat's next week dat I'se 'sposed to git married. Tain't no use  fo' me to worry 'bout it dis week an' spoil dis week. De thing  fo' me to do is to start to work on dat early Monday mornin' an'  see whut kin be done.

Amos---De longer you wait, de tougher it's goin' be.

Andy---I got a idea. I could be kidnapped.

Amos---Whut yo' mean?

Andy---No, dat ain't goin' work. Lemme see.

Amos---You'll find dat de best way out of it is just go right to her.

Andy---Boy, dat'd be just like goin' in de front line trenches when de  war is on.

Amos---Well, whut is yo' goin' to do?

Andy---How much do it cost to go to a hospital an' lay down an' tell  'em yo' sick? No, dat ain't no good. She bring de preacheh right  oveh dere. Amos, on January fust, de fireworks is goin' start.  An' let dat be a lesson to you.